FELDKIRCH, Austria – Northern Maine native and mild mannered businessman Tom Roderick was caught unawares recently when 11 people hijacked what was shaping up to be an otherwise relaxing weekend in the Alps.
“You know, I was just hoping to kick back and rest before heading home to Chicago,” said Roderick.
Instead, he was accosted en masse by Megan and Todd “Tivisonno,” Todd’s sister Amy, Aunt Darcy and Mom Wendy – collectively known as the Nordic contingent; former Keenan Hall compadre JR Mellin; outdoor adventureman Jeb Carson; Gore-Tec reps Dustin & Holly; and the buddymollys.
Roderick was taking a sip of his vending machine beer when Jeb (who you may know from such restaurants as Jeb’s Cook Place and Jeb’s Mobile Cook Wagon) shoved a pair of ski pants into Roderick’s face and told him to get in the van.
“I was concerned for my safety at first, but then I guess I was just surprised he had my size,” Roderick said. “I mean, no one carries ‘husky’ anymore.”
The group brought Roderick to St. Anton and forced him to ski down slopes whose mogul-to-run ratio was off the charts.
After compelling him to ski until both knees blew out, the hijackers drove Roderick across the border to Liechtenstein where he was forced to endure a Saturday night in the capital of Vaduz.
(Insert cricket sounds here)
Roderick woke up alone the next morning with a distinct taste in his mouth but couldn't quite put his finger on it.
“Has anyone seen a cat around here?” he said to his empty hostel room.
(Local Polizei are currently pursuing leads on the hijackers at the Montefon ski resort and in Bavaria).